Sunday, July 24, 2016

Which Blurb is the Best?

Like most writers, I find it challenging to write the logline (or Facebook hook), and pitch or Amazon blurb for my books, and I now have three templates for creating them. Each template has its merits, but I do favor one of them over the others.

When I completed Aquarius Addiction, at the end of 2014, I didn't have a template to use, and now I think the blurb I wrote then was too wordy, so I plan to change it.

I've placed all four of my efforts below and I would love it if readers and other writers would take a look at all of them. Tell me in the comments section below which one you think is the best. As a reward for giving your honest opinion, I'll be happy to share all three templates with you.



1. THE ORIGINAL (NO TEMPLATE)

Logline, One Line Pitch or Facebook Hook


FBI Psychic Arlette Xylander has two goals – to beat death, and have wild passionate sex with Andre Rossouw.

Blurb

Why did hunky Andre Rossouw come into Arlette's life on the same day her doctor told her she was about to die?

Attractive FBI Psychic Arlette Xylander displays all the character traits of her star sign, Aquarius, being feisty, eccentric, freedom-loving, flirtatious, rebellious and unpredictable. She may be only five feet tall, but she epitomizes the old adage that dynamite comes in small packages.

Her emotions rage between denial, anger and tears when her doctor tells her she is suffering from a rare terminal disease. When hunky Andre Rossouw asks her to help find his sister who has been missing for four years, Arlette makes two decisions. To beat the disease and find a cure, and to have wild and passionate sex with him.

Then she finds out he has a fiancée.

Arlette's country home on the banks of Bayou LeGue was left to her by her mysterious aunt Lucie, whom she never met, and whom her dysfunctional parents have never been willing to discuss. She often wakes in the dark hours of the night to hear ghostly voices downstairs, and wishes she could find out who they are and what they want.

A mysterious letter arrives from her aunt, hinting at a secret in the house, and her friend, Reay, agrees to research her home's recorded archives, while Arlette plans to dig into her family history. She starts by visiting her aunt's grave, where she finds a mysterious woman wearing a hooded cloak, who leaves in a hurry. Arlette's instincts tell her the woman holds the answers to all her questions, but how can she find her?


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2. Logline:

FBI psychic Arlette Xylander couldn't predict that her doctor would give her such devastating news on the same day she met the man of her dreams.


Blurb:

Arlette Xylander's aging New Orleans mansion on the bayou is haunted. She wishes she knew what the ghosts were saying, but she's a psychic, not a medium.

She doesn't allow the shattering diagnosis—a death sentence—from her doctor to prevent her from accepting the assignment to use her psychic powers in an attempt to find Andre Rossouw's missing sister.

At the Rossouw farm she and Andre share a passionate kiss. Then she finds out he has a fiancée. It doesn't deter her from placing him—or what she wants to do to him—at the top of her bucket list.

The kidnappers cannot risk being identified. Arlette knows she's getting close to finding the missing girl when she's viciously attacked. What desperate and terrifying lengths will they go to next?  

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3. Logline

FBI Psychic Arlette Xylander meets the man of her dreams on the same day her doctor gives her an earth shattering diagnosis. Will she have time to fulfill her bucket list?

Blurb:

FBI psychic Arlette Xylander accepts the mission to help find Andre Rossouw's missing sister, but her doctor has given her six months to live. Will she be able to complete her quest in that time?

A strong mutual attraction draws her into Andre's arms for a stolen kiss—and then she finds out he has a fiancée. But it doesn't stop her from putting him at the top of her bucket list, and failure is not in Arlette's vocabulary. She is an Aquarius, after all, and true to type—rebellious and independent..

There's only one way you can stop a psychic from getting information, right? A vicious attack tells Arlette she's getting close to revealing the kidnappers' identities, and she has to find the strength and resourcefulness to overcome their terrifying and reckless attempts to thwart her investigation.

Could a mysterious woman wearing a hooded cloak hold the key to a cure for Arlette's disease?

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4. Logline: 

How would you feel if you met the man of your dreams on the same day your doctor said you were dying?

Blurb:

When hunky Andre Rossouw asks FBI psychic Arlette Xylander to help in the search for his missing sister, she puts him at the top of her bucket list—to have hot passionate sex with him, that is. 

She also wants to find the secret hidden in the walls of her aging New Orleans mansion before she dies. The ghosts who meet at her dining room table in the darkest hour of the night probably hold the answer, but she's a psychic, not a medium.

Her quest to find the missing girl brings clues, and the shattering information that Andre has a fiancée.

Tensions escalate when Arlette is viciously attacked, and she wonders if she'll run out of time before fulfilling her quest.

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. . . And just in case you want to buy it, here's the link: https://www.amazon.com/Aquarius-Addiction-Trish-Jackson/dp/1619359618/ 


9 comments:

  1. I prefer 2 as it relates back to her psychic abilities

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  2. I prefer 2 as it relates back to her psychic abilities

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  3. Artemis, I appreciate your input very much. If you would like the templates, please email me at trish@trishjackson.com

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  4. I like logline 1, but blurb 3...

    sounds like an interesting story ; )

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    1. Thank you so much. Send me your email address if you would like the templates. trish@trishjackson.com

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  5. Thank you, Sheri, that's 2 for 2. let me know if you would like the templates.

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  6. I agree on blurb two. Could I get the templates? I'd appreciate it.

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  7. I will send them to you. Thank you for weighing in.

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